THE SPIN STOPS HERE NEWSLETTER

From the Desk of Bill O'Reilly

Issue #153

 

Dear Loyal Subscriber:

This month’s edition will enlighten you about the Conservative movement’s greatest Superhero.  My exposé is called, “Bruce Wayne is a Right-Wing Plutocrat and Not a Bleeding Heart Philanthropist.” 

Consider this:  Bruce Wayne is one of the richest men in America.  He fights what he likes to call “crime.”  What I found is that 97% of his attacks were on those who are poor.  He therefore, is a billionaire who beats up the lower class.  He is literally bringing class warfare to our streets every day.  You’d think the government could protect the poor from being attacked by some trust-funded vigilante who gets his kicks beating up welfare recipients.  But to the Contrary, Wayne Enterprises has been given No-Bid Contracts by the government.  Ah-Ha!

Batman’s victims are usually unemployed and forced into a life of crime to survive.  While liberals may call what they do as “foraging for food” he correctly calls it “looting.”  I found that most of his attacks were on minorities with 71% falling on African-Americans.  Does a man in a hood imposing justice on Blacks, sound familiar?

People who think he fights crime to protect the poor are wrong.  Batman is soft on White-Collar Crime.  Name one CEO that has been bataranged, ever.  How many windows has he smashed through to catch insider trading?  Or document shredding?  Never happened.  Not gonna happen.

Batman is the GOP ideal of a man pushed too far by taxes; a man sick of supporting the poor; a man who wants to feel their bloody teeth in his fist.

I love that Batman attacks anyone who deserves it, even the mentally ill.  Two-Face can’t help that he’s Bi-polar.  Yet, Batman continually uses violence against those who escape from Arkham Asylum.  This is a man with principle!

When it comes to worker’s rights, Batman is against Unions.  He opted out of the Justice League and abstained from taking sides in the SECRET WARS. 

Wayne Enterprises hides behind its charitable donations.  I find their altruism to be a false front.  Last year Wayne Enterprises made nearly $2 Billion in candy cigarettes that actually had nicotine in them.

W.E. has outsourced our Superheroes to India.  Superman—protecting the Taj Mahal.  Wonder Woman—protecting the chastity of their women.  Wonder Twins—in the form of Elephant God and Sacred Waters.

Yes Batman has a utility belt with fantastic weapons, but he shrewdly sold their blueprints to Communist China.  Expect cheap Nerve Toxin on Wal-Mart’s shelves this Christmas.

Lastly, do you know how much gas the Batmobile uses per minute? 

All of this proves how miraculous it is, that a Conservative Caped Crusader could exist in today’s liberal Hollywood.

 

Looking out for you, 

Bill

 

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